he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
