He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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