I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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