I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
