Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
