We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
