Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
