what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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