I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
