if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I need to calm my uterus...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
