Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
