BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
