More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
