My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
