As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
