when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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