positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
