Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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