nut hugger
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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