Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
