The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
