So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
