She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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