My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
