from now on my penis is your penis
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
