Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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