he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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