Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
