Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
