i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
