you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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