I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
