i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
