Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
