ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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