why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
