We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
