woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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