You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize