Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
