My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
