Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
