Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
