PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
