I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
one two three fourrrrnication!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
