I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Buhtt sex?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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