There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
