I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
