A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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