My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
