I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
