Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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