So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
