Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
