I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
