i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
