I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
