if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
