my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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