hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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