I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
