saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
