Michael Bay diarrhea
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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