I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
