So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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