Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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