so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
