Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
